Ghostlighting describes a negative, harmful behavior in the field of dating and is frequently discussed in social networks. It is a portmanteau of gaslighting and ghosting. People have always behaved in this way when it came to initiating relationships, but the phenomenon has spread almost like a virus through the Internet, so that very many people affected report their negative experiences. Ghostlighting is one of the most unpleasant behaviors in dating.
Ghosting and Gaslighting – Very Toxic Dating Behavior
Ghostlighting is the combination of two harmful behaviors. Ghosting means that a person you were dating before suddenly disappears from your life without breaking up with you first. They have blocked you on all communication channels and are no longer tangible – they have effectively become a ghost. For the person who is ghosted, the behavior leaves more than a bland aftertaste.
Because she never receives answers to her question about why. Unless she has a strong sense of self, she inevitably begins to doubt herself. Gaslighting is a similar phenomenon, but it is accompanied by strong manipulation. This dating behavior can also be observed increasingly for several years. The term refers to the 1938 play „Gaslight,“ in which the perpetrator manipulates his victim by spreading untruths to such an extent that he doubts his own perception.
How does ghostlighting work?
The perpetrators use different tactics for this purpose. At the beginning, the Ghostlighter distances himself from his acquaintance or breaks off contact completely. This behavior hurts and unsettles, but most people can put such an experience behind them over time. But this is not the end of the dating relationship. For all of a sudden, the Ghostlighter reappears and makes untrue claims about the other person. The victim is primarily blamed for the failure of the relationship. The perpetrator uses intensive manipulation for this purpose and tries to make the victim accept his view as correct and doubt his own perception. The victim not only has to cope with gaslighting, but also with the manipulation.
How do you recognize Ghostlighting? How? Properties
As with all manipulations, it is not easy to identify the behaviors. Often it is even very appealing when the former date gets in touch again and one has the hope to be able to continue the relationship after all. One deals intensely with the idea of reunion, because ghostlighters are very adept at using compliments to give the impression of genuine affection. At this stage, the manipulation has long since begun, but in the sign of newly kindled hope, the victim can hardly perceive it.
The perpetrator tries to make the victim feel guilty, blames him or her for the failure of the relationship, and exerts control in many ways. As soon as you sense that the ex or exes have only come back to blame you for the breakup, you should distance yourself as soon as possible and end the relationship. Because manipulative behavior is the opposite of open communication, which should be the basis of any good relationship.
Ghostlighters are avoidant people who have a problem communicating openly. They do not take responsibility for the relationship. It is not uncommon for them to have narcissistic traits and low self-esteem. Some are inveterate liars, wholly uninterested in the feelings of their victims. Those who are with a Ghostlighter may never get honest answers to their questions. So you should carefully consider whether you really want to spend time with someone who behaves in such a questionable way.