A „comfort person“ is a person with whom you feel good and can relax. You trust a comfort person and you feel safe. A comfort person lifts your spirits and makes you feel better.
What is a „comfort person“? Meaning, explanation, definition
A comfort person does not condemn bad, wrong or negative behavior. They show understanding for insecurities and mistakes.
Basically, the following applies: With a comfort person, you are not in a guarded position.
The relationship with a comfort person is free of emotional baggage and conflicts are resolved. A person can thrive in such a free relationship.
A comfort person provides comfort, support and psychological security. A comfort person can say convincingly that everything will be all right again and you believe it!
Another term for comfort person is, for example: Favorite person
A comfort person typically has the following characteristics:
- You are friends.
- You don’t live together, which means you don’t have to do chores like cleaning and other things together.
You see each other because you want to see each other. - You talk to each other on the phone because you want to.
- There is no power imbalance in the relationship.
Who can be a comfort person?
- A good friend is suitable.
- A mentor is suitable.
- An uncle or aunt is suitable.
Parents are less suitable, as they have power over you in their role as parents and (can) punish you. But the relationship with your own parents can be so good that trust can be there.
What happens with a comfort person?
The effect of a comfort person can only occur if you do not feel stressed or threatened by the presence of another person. With a comfort person, you feel safe and your nervous system relaxes.
It has been proven that the presence of a comfort person makes you feel relaxed, reduces stress and makes you feel safe. This is called „social buffering“.
Editor’s comment: The presence of other people can make you feel relaxed or stressed. With a comfort person, you can relax and „switch off“ your defenses. You can show yourself to be vulnerable and address your own weaknesses.
The following is usually the case with people who make you feel stressed or whose presence makes you feel exhausted quickly:
There are unresolved issues and, in the worst case, the other person is not interested in resolving problems.
You are in a guarded position the whole time because you are expecting an attack (e.g. a slogan, emotional outburst or tantrum) from the other person. (You expect something like this because you have experienced it many times before.) In such a relationship, you feel like you are walking on raw eggs, so you see the danger that this person will suddenly lose it and lose all control. In such a relationship, you feel small and anxious. Nothing thrives here!
If you are in a guarded position, there is no relaxation, but the opposite: there is constant tension. This is exhausting and tiring!