Pocketing“ has become a new dating trend in recent months, and admittedly it’s not all that pleasant. Specifically, it’s a trend that involves keeping a potential partner a secret from one’s friends or family for as long as possible. This is followed by what is always a sudden breakup. In this way, the partner with the dishonest intentions saves himself from embarrassing social situations. „Pocketing“ is observed more and more frequently, especially on dating platforms.
In contrast to pure one-night stands, where it is usually clear to those affected that it only amounts to a sexual adventure, one of the two partners is usually given unrealistic hopes of an actual relationship. The persons affected by „pocketing“ then also live and act in this belief. How exactly this works and which main features „Pocketing“ has, respectively which target groups are especially eligible for it, that will be shown in detail in the following article.
Definition of the term „pocketing“
The term „pocketing“ is derived from the noun „pocket“, which is verbalized by the ending „-ing“. „Pocketing“ can therefore be roughly translated as „putting in your pocket“. The expression „to fool someone“ is much more widespread.
„Pocketing“ is derived from the English saying „to put someone in your pocket“. This roughly translates to someone gaining control over another person. And that’s exactly what the new dating trend „pocketing“ is all about. Characteristically, one person gains emotional control over the other partner and at the same time controls the relationship (for better or worse), or can break it off at any time.
What is meant by this is that outsiders, such as friends or relatives, are not involved at first, so that the relationship does not take on an official character. The relationship is thus carried out „in the pocket,“ i.e., largely closed off from the outside world. This may indicate a lack of conviction on the part of one of the partners, who potentially has no sincere intentions regarding the relationship. Presumably, this one considers the relationship only a short adventure or is even ashamed of the liason.
Origin and word origin of „pocketing“
Although „pocketing“ itself is not a completely new phenomenon, the term itself is relatively young. Presumably, this originated in the course of the last two to three years on the dating platforms Tinder or Lovoo, from where it then spread rapidly. It was coined by partners who had been cheated out of their relationship and who had been treated badly by „pocketing“. In conversations with friends and relatives, warnings were then issued against those love affairs, as they harbored the risk of „pocketing“. The term quickly established itself outside of dating platforms and is now also considered a well-known term for this type of relationship.
Where is „pocketing“ particularly common?
Pocketing“ is still most common on online dating platforms such as Tinder or Lovoo. The reason for this is the high degree of anonymity that these platforms offer. This means that people from completely different areas and social groupings can get to know each other here. Outsiders often don’t get to hear about the new acquaintance, which makes the basis for „pocketing“ ideal, of course. There is also the possibility of being able to end the relationship at any time. Often, simply blocking one’s own phone number or dating account is enough for this and there is no longer any possibility for the other partner to make contact. But „pocketing“ is also used comparatively often in regular dating life outside the Internet.
How exactly does „Pocketing“ work?
„Pocketing“ basically always follows the same scheme:
- Love takes place in secret
- The focus is increasingly placed on a sexual relationship
- There is an abrupt separation
The above characteristics and modes of operation of „Pocketing“ will be further elaborated in the following subsections.
Love in secret
The relationship is kept as secret as possible during „Pocketing“. This is done at the request of one of the two partners. For example, dates or meetings take place in secret and preferably in the apartment of the „pocketing“ victim. The reason: the „pocketing“ victim should not be involved in the geographical and social environment of the other partner.
Focus on sexual relationship
In-depth conversations and sincere interest in the other person are equally undesirable in „pocketing.“ Instead, the focus is often on satisfying sexual needs – the main basis of this type of relationship. Romantic dates or varied activities are therefore often not desired by the other partner.
Sudden separation
Another characteristic of „pocketing“ is that sooner or later there is an abrupt breakup. Either because the other partner suddenly loses interest or has in turn met another partner or another potential „pocketing“ victim.
Social classification of „pocketing“
„Pocketing“ can be attributed to almost all age groups. However, this trend is particularly widespread among teenagers and young adults between the ages of 15 and 25. Thus, this trend can be assigned primarily to the generations „Millenials“ as well as „Y“ and more and more „Alpha“.
Criticisms of „pocketing“
Pocketing“ is sharply criticized from many sides, as it is a dishonest and insincere way to get to know a person. One of the two partners would be fooled, according to the opinions of critics. The feelings of the „pocketing“ victim are severely hurt, and the latter feels that his or her self-esteem is potentially impaired afterwards. Particularly criticized is the fact that this is also a relatively cowardly way to fool someone. After all, the fronts could be clarified right at the beginning that it would probably only amount to a sexual relationship, however, one of the two partners does not dare to do this or does it intentionally in anticipation of gaining advantages.
Conclusion on pocketing
So, in summary, „pocketing“ is a questionable new dating trend (primarily on online dating platforms) where one of the two partners is the „pocketing“ victim and the other is the perpetrator. Under false pretenses, the partner is kept out of one’s own social environment – the relationship as a whole remains secret until it is abruptly ended. „Pocketing“ often has purely sexual expectations from a relationship.
Related to the term „pocketing“ are, for example, the dating trends „ghosting“ or „beige flags.“ While „ghosting“ means that someone (for example in a dating context) is socially isolated from the other person from one moment to the next, „beige flags“ indicates that a potential dating partner is simply too boring and uninteresting.